Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Invisible Me

I hate looking in the mirror and seeing someone else.

It is like that face isn’t mine. Oh, my face is in there, somewhere, all covered with layers of fat – but that isn’t me that you see. It only looks a little like me – an idea of what I would look like if I was visible.

Maybe that is why many obese people become so introverted and self-conscious – because we feel like we have disappeared. The real me is lost somewhere under all these layers.

Those who become the “jolly fat guy/girl” are those who deal with this loss by trying harder and harder to keep the real person at the forefront. It is all the same, though. We are all suffering a loss of our real selves.

I have heard or read people say that as they are losing weight, they will look in a mirror and be startled, wondering “who is that?” I think I will look in a mirror and be happy to see me again – I plan to have a ‘welcome back party’ for me as soon as I can begin to see me. When my glasses are too big for my face, I will happily buy another, smaller pair. Some days, I am more anxious to lose weight in my face than anywhere else.

What will I look like? I haven’t seen me for almost 20 years.

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