Thursday, November 26, 2009

What is the Prize?

This morning I picked up a Bible Study book that I've had forever....."The Joy of Eating Right". The Subtitle is "Spiritual and Nutritional Principles for Weight Control" by Dee Brestin and Peggy Johnston.

I started this study a few months ago so I just picked up where I'd left off....Well, actually, I read over what I'd written in the previous week's lesson before going on to the next week (which I normally do all at once).

The reference for Day 5 of this week is Phil 3:12-14.....the passage in which Paul talks about 'pressing on toward the mark'. The Message says it this way...."Friends, don't get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."

Of course, Paul was NOT speaking of weight loss goals, but the authors used the principal in this passage to emphasize that weight control is a long term project, taking months or even years of perseverance to achieve healthy eating habits and a thin body. Also, this passage was used to picture the fact that any weight loss program takes commitment and effort.

Then comes the question....."Paul mentions the need to forget about what is behind us and press on toward the prize. What is your prize? What is your goal? Is it attainable? Is it realistic? Are you truly committed, no matter how long it takes? Take some time to think about these questions and record your thoughts below"

My thoughts in answer to these questions made me happy, so I thought I'd share them with y'all.....

First of all, what is my prize?

I did not have to think long on this and was excited when I realized that......My prize comes incrementally....with each pound lost and kept off, comes a huge sense of satisfaction, a feeling of having won a battle. With each 5 or so pounds (yes, as little as that) comes a knowledge that my clothing is fitting differently. Every once in awhile, new clothing is needed in a smaller size. My favorite prizes have to do with how I feel, however.....increased energy and confidence, and the ability to feel my hip bone through the (now smaller) layer of fat on my hips, the emerging curve of my waistline. Even after a year of no change, I still feel like I've won a prize at these things. Another prize I have won and still appreciate daily is the fact that I can wear my wedding rings....I know, I talk about that alot - but if you have ever gone for 10 or more years without your rings, you will know why it is so important to me. The prizes keep on is not just ONE big prize at the end of the journey. Thankfully.

My final goal is to MAINTAIN a healthy weight of about 145 lbs AND to have incorporated more activity into my daily life. In other words, there will be no end to this because I will need to continue to keep that goal in mind and be diligent about eating and doing to maintain that weight. I will not just remain at my goal weight without continuing effort.

Am I committed? Yes. For the first time in my life, I don't care how long this takes....I'm in it for the long haul. I'm not giving up. The reward is not just a thin is a HEALTHY body. And, as I've just said, I consider this a life time 'race'.

The only complaint I have about eating healthy is that my nails and my hair grow much faster.....I used to be able to go for 5 weeks without getting my nails done. Now I MUST go every 3 weeks. Also, my grey roots start showing much sooner than they used to. Ah well....a small price to pay for better health.

Back to the subject......think about it - what is the prize you are 'running' toward? What is your goal? Is it attainable? Are you committed?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Good News and Bad News

Well, the good news is that I am no longer on my way UP the scale.

More good news is that I have lost about 3 pounds this week.

Bad news is that I gained 3 pounds this week before I lost it.

So, my weight today is the same as it was a week ago - 213.6 - which is still almost 3 pounds more than what my 'ticker' says.

Ah well, I am feeling more like myself....that is the 'self' that was consistently losing weight.

The bad news is.....I do not have time to say more than this.

Or maybe that is good news? LOL

will try to get back sooner than last time!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

On a more Upbeat Note........

Yikes! I'm like a week late, almost, with this post.

I've managed to spend less time wasting time on my computer this week - a whole lot less wasted time, actually.

That doesn't mean that I haven't sat at the computer several times a day - just that I was working, not just 'facebooking' or playing solitaire.

Anyway, I said I was going to post about what is still positive in my 'weight-loss life'.......instead of only focusing on the negative fact that I have not lost any weight to speak of in the last year, I want to list as many positive things as I can think of.

So here goes......

  1. I am fourty pounds lighter than I was in Dec 2007
  2. I am wearing size 18 pants .... down from size 24
  3. I am wearing size 20 shirts......down from size 28
  4. I can wear my wedding rings ALL THE TIME......something I have not been able to do for probably 10 years
  5. My ankles usually look nice (except when I'm retaining water....normally, because I forgot to take my blood pressure meds)
  6. I can wear a necklace without an extension
  7. I do not look like the woman on my driver's license or passport
  8. I now have a waistline.....a little on the large size, but at least it is a waist line
  9. I can reach to wipe
  10. I eat less than I used to - and am quite satisfied
  11. I automatically choose healthy foods (almost 100% of the time) over quick, processed foods
  12. I read lables and have learned which products to avoid and which to buy (like no salt added tomatoes)
  13. I still get compliments on having lost weight - even though I haven't lost for a year
  14. In spite of a pretty emotionally stressful year, I have not gained any weight overall and I have not turned to food as my crutch
  15. In other words.....when I quit losing, I did not gain back what I had lost and then some more! You know.....when you lose focus on your weight loss plan - what happens......I don`t know about you - but for me, in the past, as soon as I am not being very disciplined about my `diet`, I begin to gain. And gain. And gain. And surpass my starting weight. This did not happen!!!!


The thing that worries me is that I have lost much of the belief I had in myself....that I really WAS going to get to a healthy weight. Not that I am without hope....I always have hope....but I do not have the same strength of really believing it as I did at this time last year.

Actually, now that I think of it, that is not really something to worry about....I mean, when I started this journey I had NO hope and I absolutely did NOT believe I would ever lose ANY weight - yet, I lost over 40 pounds.

All I have to do is DO IT. Or Keep Doing it but make a few adjustments here and there. Because really, I have been 'doing it' for the most part - I have kept my eating in control and established good habits that I barely even think about anymore. I probably need to get out the scale and measuring cups again, that would show me where I am not eating the correct portions. AND it would help to get a journal to write everything in (I have one, but I do not like it so don't use it every day)

So......All is not lost.

I am not a total failure.

I have not left the road to success.....just sat down on the shoulder.

I can just get up and begin to travel down the same path to my goal.

I have lost no ground, really.....just time.....and afterall, it is not like I quit living while I was losing the time - I've lived lots this past year...some wonderful times and blessings, some difficult and emotionally exhausting experiences. The only time I've lost is in regard to weight loss. But there is no use in speculating what weight I could be at right now, had everything gone perfectly in the last 12 months.

It is what it is.

I`m going on from here.

Friday, November 6, 2009


I've been avoiding this blog.....because after a brief couple weeks of losing again, I am back up. I cannot even complain about it because I know that I am not moving enough (and I'm not even talking about the E word here) and I know I am not drinking enough water.

My eating hasn't been out of control until last night when I recieved the box of cookie dough that I ordered....I ate 4 of the raw cookies last night and one this morning.

This is cookie dough that I bought only because it was a fund raiser for a do you say no to a friend, the mom of twins, who are required to raise a certain amount of money? I didn't really want it because raw cookie dough is a major weakness of mine but I'd feel like a jerk to say no. Others around me ordered several boxes....I ordered ONE.

I took a dozen of the 'cookies' out of the box - intending to bake some for Jim to have as dessert and to take in his lunch but he did not get home until after 11 pm and I wasn't going to tempt him with cookies at that time of night! I should go re-wrap them and put them in the freezer with the rest.

I'm also trying to spend less time on my computer (not too successfully - hence the 'not moving enough' comment) so have not been visiting y'alls blogs, either.

I have noticed, that many of the bloggers that began about the same time I did have 'vanished' and I haven't taken the time to get to 'know' those of you who are 'new' to me. I think I need to take some time to do so - I've always recieved so much encouragement from these blogs.

I am a little bit 'all or nothing' of a person - not enough of that quality to make me completely successful at losing weight - but enough that I feel like if I can't read all my 'usual' blogs AND comment on them , then I just do nothing. This tendency affects how successful I am at 'sticking to plan' and to exercise as well.

I just have to get past that. Maybe set my 'blog goals' a little more realistically. Like maybe read one a day - or set an hour a week aside to read several.

What do the rest of you do to make time for this rather time consuming part of weight-loss?

I also have another blog, which I've had for 3 plus years.....and another 'experimental' blog that I started at the beginning of '09. I do not know if I'll continue with that one after the end of this year, but my family has objected every time I've threatened to quit. (There are links to both these 'other' blogs at the right) I don't do as much blog reading connected to these other blogs, but I do more posting.

Part of my problem with 'time' is, I think, related to the change in my lifestyle over the past 11 months. I've gone from homeschooling AND driving all over the province to spend every 3rd week with my husband where he was working to living WITH my husband all the time away from home (in Louisiana) to moving back home where my youngest was still living with us and my husband was home for 2 weeks every 2 weeks. That lasted until Dec. 08 and I was busy, busy, busy with reclaiming my home after so much time away from it - even when my youngest 'left the nest', I did not have time to be lonely.

In January, Jim started working in Alberta again - but the work situation had changed and I can no longer go and stay with him on his worksite for a week at a time. He worked more than 80 days last winter - between January 2 and the end of March....all away from home. It took at least 2 months to realize I was floundering because of lonliness - and probably mild depression. That state of mind put me in a habit of just 'existing', mostly......I spent alot of time wasting time - which made me feel more depressed. I started to get hold of this by going to bed at a decent time and getting up early. Then things changed again.....Spring came and Jim was home for a few months....he went back to work but it was summer time - I accomplished much because I had many responsibilities regarding our 7 acres of grass and our garden.

Now, he's working all the time again and my responsibilities are mostly inside. It is much easier to procrastinate cleaning the basement than it was to mow the grass. My youngest son is living at home again, which means that there is someone here sometimes, but he is gone most evenings and has things that keep him busy all day (even if it is 'just' his online computer game). I had gotten back into the habit of staying up half the night and sleeping most of the morning away - always a destructive habit for me.

Jim has been working near home for the past week so is here at night - up at 5 am and home about 8 pm...bed by at least I'm back to getting up early and going to bed early. I'm still, however, stuck in the rut of spending too much time on my computer or finding a reason to go to town just to get out of my house.

My husband's job is not likely to change - I need to change the way I live in spite of the lifestyle.

Don't suggest a job for me...that would mean that I would not be available when he ISN'T working - which happens sporatically. When he is 'off', he is at home all day for anywhere from 1 day to 3 months. We do not want me to be tied to a job when we actually have opportunity to be together. Even volunteer work requires a committment of specific times.

No, I need to get off my duff and do the work that is in front of me - and there is plenty of it around here.....not to mention being available to my 5 children and 8 grandchildren. I can be busy without a fact, I have no excuse to be lonely or depressed. I have a list of projects a mile long - things that if I would just get started on, I would enjoy. Things like cleaning my basement ....yes, I'd enjoy that! I want to go through all the boxes and throw most of it out. I want to organize and make the basement into a place my grandkids can go play when it is too cold to play outside. But I always feel like I 'don't have time' to do it all at once so I never get started. Isn't that retarded? Of course I can't do it all at once - no one could.

So that is my confession....I have been wasting time wishing I had a more 'normal' lifestyle, thinking if I can't finish something right now I should just wait to start.


It has led to a long period of little to no weight loss....bouncing back and forth between two numbers.

I want to become a part of the accountability and encouragement of this community again.

It just occurred to me that I started to 'disappear' from the weight loss blogs when I could no longer tell you that 'it' was working for me easily. When I stopped feeling like I was changed. I'm back to feeling like a fat I will never win this battle, even though my eating habits HAVE changed and I have no desire to go back to the way I used to eat. The battle I have not won - and only thought I had - is the battle in my mind...the way I think about myself.

Next post will be an exercise in telling myself about the victories I HAVE won.....but I must git goin.....I'm off to a 'weekend retreat' with our church. Except I'll be coming home to make Jim's supper and sleep with him - the retreat facility is only 15 minutes away from my house.

Don't be too hard on me....but don't be easy on me, either. I need to jump back into this accountability structure.

Hopefully, I'll be back on here on Monday.