Monday, January 5, 2009

Moving vs Sitting

I was just editing photos from our Christmas celebration and I noticed something.

Observation:

The photos of my husband have him sitting in different places in almost every photo.

The photos of me have me sitting in the same spot all day. (Even though there are few photos of me, I know this is true)

Caveat:

With 20 people in the room, there was precious little seating and I DO have my favorite rocking chair, which my kids respectfully leave for me most of the time.

However:

If Jim was able to move around the room, switching his seating, then obviously other people were doing the same thing.

Memory:

My oldest kids were at an event about 2 years ago where they saw my sister for the first time in years....they remarked how much we looked alike and also how much we behaved alike. Part of their comments....."She had a camera and sat in the same place all afternoon, taking pictures of everyone, just like you do".

I immediately recognised myself in their comments and hated the fact that they were right.

Questions:

WHY do I sit in the same spot?

Am I just lazy?

Did I ever get out of my chair?

Have I changed AT ALL since they made those comments?

Answers?:

I believe that I have made a habit of staying in the same spot when in larger gatherings because I have felt so fat.

I feel that I take up too much space (which is true) and that I am less intrusive if I just stay put.

I feel like a cow, lumbering around a room full of people.

Christmas makes it 'worse' because the room is also full of boxes and paper.

I don't think this situation has anything to do with being lazy. I would really like to get up and move around more, but being so self conscious about my size has forced me to stay sitting in one spot.

This year.....did I ever get out of my chair? Have I changed at all?

I still feel that I take up too much space, but not so much.

I feel far from graceful, but not so 'lumbering'.

I know I do not feel so ugly as in the past....in fact, I do not think of myself as ugly at all, any more.

I am not sure if I got out of my chair more often or not this year.....I am naturally less 'antsy' than my hubby - he has never been able to sit still for long (a challenge when watching a movie or playing a game. LOL ) so it is unreasonable to compare myself to him.

These are just thoughts, spurred by looking at Christmas photos (which I should so totally NOT be doing in the middle of the day).

End Result:

I want to be more conscious of MOVING in ordinary situations. I want to forget about being the fat woman in confined quarters and begin to ACT like I am a normal size.

I am going to set a timer when I am working at my desk so that I have to get up and walk down the hall, at least. Keep those joints moving.

I want to be someone who is 'on the move' and just making myself exercise is not going to be enough to change me from a person who just sits in one spot taking pictures to one who is up and moving around, getting those same photos from different angles.

(can you tell I love to take pictures?)

Well, I must get up and do something that involves movement, now that I've made these statements! :)

8 comments:

bbubblyb said...

Karyn, good to hear you making good comments about yourself. I really think a big part of this journey is loving ourselves and talking kindly to the most important person "us". I think it's great you could see all this about yourself. I'm sure it will make you want to change it now when you're in a social setting. I remember being the same way but for me it was usually because I was worried about losing a seat that fit me or that was sturdy. I love pictures too.

~TMcGee~ said...

Love this post! It is me to a T! I often find myself hiding in a back corner because I feel like I take up too much space etc. I am motivated to move as well.
In fact, I have done my steps 20 times today and man....I almost needed an oxygen tank when I was done. LOL

Lost Half of Me said...

Karyn, it sounds like you are definitely making progress with your journey. Starting to feel better about yourself is a huge factor in this for us all! I used to stay pretty still in social situations when I was overweight too, in my case it was because I didn't want to draw attention to myself when I got up. Figured if I stayed put I wouldn't be so obvious. Oh and thanks for the reminder about posting how the family reacted to my weight loss, I have done so now. =D

Cmay said...

Your an inspiration of self awareness with this post. You've really made me think, and consider...well...myself. I do the same thing, only I make sure I'm NEVER in a photo too, by being the person taking all the pictures. Mmmm...

Vicki said...

I always sit in the same place(s) too! Either in my recliner or in my computer chair. I never thought about it like you in your post though, but I really do need to get up and move more throughout the day because I do all my exercise right after breakfast. Setting a timer is a great idea! I think I'll do that too. Thanks for a great post.

MeltingLisa said...

What fantastic insights. I have similar thoughts, but can only process them after reading your post, you have such a great way of putting things!

At a party over the festive season someone was taking a picture of myself, hubby and another couple, the lady from the other couple has recently gained a fair amount of weight (7 years after gastric bypass) not hugely overweight, but some 40 or so pounds to loose. Her comment .... "You better stand back to get both Lisa and I in the picture" ..... I just thought wow ... you are feeling down on yourself and now just reminded me how inadequate I feel even after working so hard the last few months .... and that is why we feel like we do, that is why even as we shed the pounds those comments keep us feeling like "we take up too much space"

okay ramble over :S Thanks for a great post!

Natalia said...

Karyn, I do the same thing! I think for me it's part lazyness, but it's also what you said, feeling like I take up too much room when I stand and try to move about. You have a great plan! :)

Lyn said...

Oh goodness. I have a habit of sitting in the same spot most of the day AT HOME. Mainly because my knees are killing me... but I got in the habit when I was morbidly obese. Sit in the same spot on the sofa with the laptop next to me and the tv in front of me. I even started eating there for most meals. There is a freaking dent in the sofa where I sit. When my son walked in the room last week I was in a different chair and HE DIDNT SEE ME because I wasnt in "my spot." He couldnt figure out where I was. Oh dear...

I really need to change this. I want to move more... it just hurts. But at least I could go sit at the table to eat and sit closer to my kids when they're doing things. Thanks for the push (even though that wasn't really what you were trying to do, right? LOL)