I was just editing photos from our Christmas celebration and I noticed something.
The photos of my husband have him sitting in different places in almost every photo.
The photos of me have me sitting in the same spot all day. (Even though there are few photos of me, I know this is true)
With 20 people in the room, there was precious little seating and I DO have my favorite rocking chair, which my kids respectfully leave for me most of the time.
If Jim was able to move around the room, switching his seating, then obviously other people were doing the same thing.
My oldest kids were at an event about 2 years ago where they saw my sister for the first time in years....they remarked how much we looked alike and also how much we behaved alike. Part of their comments....."She had a camera and sat in the same place all afternoon, taking pictures of everyone, just like you do".
I immediately recognised myself in their comments and hated the fact that they were right.
WHY do I sit in the same spot?
Am I just lazy?
Did I ever get out of my chair?
Have I changed AT ALL since they made those comments?
I believe that I have made a habit of staying in the same spot when in larger gatherings because I have felt so fat.
I feel that I take up too much space (which is true) and that I am less intrusive if I just stay put.
I feel like a cow, lumbering around a room full of people.
Christmas makes it 'worse' because the room is also full of boxes and paper.
I don't think this situation has anything to do with being lazy. I would really like to get up and move around more, but being so self conscious about my size has forced me to stay sitting in one spot.
This year.....did I ever get out of my chair? Have I changed at all?
I still feel that I take up too much space, but not so much.
I feel far from graceful, but not so 'lumbering'.
I know I do not feel so ugly as in the past....in fact, I do not think of myself as ugly at all, any more.
I am not sure if I got out of my chair more often or not this year.....I am naturally less 'antsy' than my hubby - he has never been able to sit still for long (a challenge when watching a movie or playing a game. LOL ) so it is unreasonable to compare myself to him.
These are just thoughts, spurred by looking at Christmas photos (which I should so totally NOT be doing in the middle of the day).
I want to be more conscious of MOVING in ordinary situations. I want to forget about being the fat woman in confined quarters and begin to ACT like I am a normal size.
I am going to set a timer when I am working at my desk so that I have to get up and walk down the hall, at least. Keep those joints moving.
I want to be someone who is 'on the move' and just making myself exercise is not going to be enough to change me from a person who just sits in one spot taking pictures to one who is up and moving around, getting those same photos from different angles.
(can you tell I love to take pictures?)
Well, I must get up and do something that involves movement, now that I've made these statements! :)