In reading some of the other weight loss blogs, I've noticed people have some major challenges with emotional eating or specific holidays/activities. Some folks binge when they are upset or sad. Some binge for no apparent reason. Others stash food and eat in secret. As I've read about these struggles, I have felt compassion and understanding for the authors, and I've also thought "Do I do that?"
I wondered if I was lieing to myself when I answered my own question with a "no". I mean, lieing to myself is something I am very good at - and one of the reasons I am on this journey in the first place. Is there something wrong with me, that I do not and have not had those kinds of challenges? How did I get to be obese if I wasn't bingeing? I mean, I've never eaten a whole bag of cookies at once. Have I? I wonder if I am lieing to myself about things like that. I do not know the answer to that question - yet.
I've really had a relatively easy transition from fat girl eating to healthy girl eating. I truly enjoy eating healthy and I don't miss french fries or nacho chips or chocolate cake. I worried a bit about this. Does that sound silly? I was waiting for the other shoe to drop - waiting to discover that I have a split personality or something.....that I DO binge when I'm emotional, I've just managed to hide it from myself.
Well, I'm still on the lookout for destructive habits that I am keeping hidden even from myself, but these last few days I've discovered one area where I want to throw all progress out the window and wallow in certain foods.
I have a bad cold. (Not nearly as bad as I usually get, thanks to Cold FX, I'm sure) Since Tuesday, I've been sick. Coughing, fever, stuffy nose, congested chest........When I get a cold I seem to get VERY sick. In -bed -for- two- days -at -least -sick. Well, I've not had to stay in bed, which is why I say I'm not as sick as I normally get - but sleep is interrupted and I don't have the energy to do much in the way of housework, etc. AND I have been craving carbs something awful.
I want to eat constantly to make myself "feel better". I want pasta with creamy sauces, I want casseroles, Hamburger Helper, creamy soup.....I want to drink hot chocolate all the time, and if I could add a few drops of Bailey's, all the better. I do NOT want salad, vegetables, fruit, chicken breast, fish............. I kind of knew this about myself, but did not realize the extent of my cravings until I actually began to pay attention to them.
The first day I was sick I made a plan (thankfully).
Knowing that I love creamy soup when I am sick, I made myself a big pot of soup. I started with low fat chicken broth with the lowest sodium count I could find (next time, I'll make my own chicken stock to eliminate the sodium issue), added some chopped up chicken pieces, a can of tomatoes and a can of tomatoe sauce (forgot to check the sodium content there), a can of chickpeas (rinsed), celery, onion, zucchini, fresh green beans, carrots, cabbage, and garlic. I used various spices/herbs until it tasted good, then after the veggies were cooked, I took half of them out and put them through the blender. Once the pureed veggies were added back to the soup, it was nice and thick. About a half cup of whole wheat flour and half cup of skim milk mixed together and added to the soup gave it a bit of a creamy texture and taste without adding many calories.
This is what I have been eating for almost every meal since Wednesday night. The problem is that I also bought some fresh grainy buns to have with the soup. Oh my goodness! They are wonderful! They probably count for 2 carbs each and I've been having 2 with every bowl of soup! With margarine (low fat, yes, but lots of it) I would love to slather those little babies with butter, but I've been resisting.
I am glad I took the time to make the soup, because otherwise I'd be eating canned soup or Kraft Dinner or some kind of pasta with Alfredo sauce.
AND, although I've given in to "Timmy's" English Toffee Coffee twice (small cups), I am trying to keep my hot drinks to tea rather than hot chocolate with Bailey's.
On the up side, I could be alot sicker. On the down side, I have not been able to do anything remotely looking like a workout - or even work. And hubby still doesn't have that Poppyseed cake I was going to make for him BEFORE he got home. Maybe today.
I'm hoping that by Monday I will feel up to walking a mile and working out at Curves.
I was UP 3 pounds yesterday! I KNOW I have not eaten or drank enough to gain 3 pounds! But, I also noticed that I am swollen, as in retaining water swollen. I'm hoping it has to do with being sick and that those 3 pounds will drop quickly.
Wait a minute....it is morning (I got up before morning to take some tylenol and have a cup of tea) I'm going to go step on the scale right now...
224.0!!!!!!! How is that even possible? That is a GAIN of ANOTHER 3.6 pounds for a total of 6.8 pounds! The scale said 217.2 just 3 days ago, and it had been pretty stable at 217-218 for about 3 days before that. Seriously, how is that possible? I have NOT gone off the deep end with food, in spite of my cravings. How could a few extra starches do that? I've done worse with less consequence.
Has anyone noticed a co-relation between weight gain (water retention?) and being sick?
For the first time, I am actually discouraged.
I'm going back to bed before I eat.