Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Adendum to yesterday's post

After reading comments and thinking more about the post below, I feel the need to make another comment or two.

First, I understand where my readers are coming from when they say that my title makes them feel sad.....that it is a negative title. Looking at it from outside myself, I'd have to agree with them.

However, I still feel that this title best describes the positive things happening in my life.

You see, I am the Queen of Procrastination......The winner of the Ostrich of the Year Award several years running.......I've been voted "Least Likely to Rock the Boat", and "Best Spin Doctor".

In every area of my life I avoid the unpleasant, the painful, the inconvenient. I ignore or put a positive spin on the worst situations. I do not do or say anything that will cause a confrontation - even with myself. I have gotten into trouble, had relationships crumble, and had to pay fines because of these tendencies.

(Of course, there is always a flip side to some cases, it is GOOD to be able to put a positive spin on a bad situation, or be able to ignore a bad situation. There are times that these tendencies have stood me in good stead. More often, however, they show up as weaknesses)

This is who I am/have been. These inclinations of mine are character weaknesses and have NOTHING to do with my being overweight. I would have been like this if I had always been a healthy weight. That being said, I have to say that these flaws in my character contributed to my inability to successfully lose weight when I tried. I could always ignore, avoid, hide, or fudge the truth about what I was or wasn't eating or doing. In other words, I basically lied my way to 253 lbs.

However, I am changing. I have been working on these weaknesses for several years, now. I still struggle with them but I have gotten some measure of control over all but the Procrastination thing (which has as much to do with laziness as anything). BECAUSE of these changes in my life....because I have been able to finally face truth and confrontation head on (most of the time) I came face to face with the fact that I had to take responsibility for my weight....I had to first of all admit that I had failed at my efforts to lose weight - it wasn't the program that failed me, it wasn't circumstances in my life that kept me from losing, it wasn't stress, sickness, pregnancy, moving, grief, busy-ness, lack of income, or any number of excuses I had used over the years.

I, Me, Karyn, Myself, and ONLY I was responsible for the fact that I had continued over the years to gain weight until I was 253 lbs.

Facing that fact was a victory for me. Taking ownership of all the "diet failures" in the past freed me. It didn't happen immediately..... at first, I had a "I'll give this a try" attitude but as I grasped the idea that I was in charge of this area of my life....for good or for bad, I went from "I'll give this a try" to "I'm going to do this".

Therefore, my title is, to me, positive. Long before I started this blog, I was viewing this new phase of my life as "A Failure's Journey to Success". I saw myself as leaving the Failures of the past behind as I followed the path to Success. Not only in losing weight, but in becoming more of the person my Father in Heaven meant for me to be all along. The weight loss will be icing on the cake, so to speak......changing from the habits and mindsets of a person who kept setting herself up to fail to a person who believes in herself enough to take the steps neccessary to change is the real victory.

Thank you to Shanna of (A Gym Rat's Tale) and to (Roaring Lioness) for your comments which made me think more clearly about why I felt positive when I chose this title. It is always good to be made to think.

Besides, having to be analytical about this has given me reason to put off doing my bills. LOL
I am still too good at procrastinating.


new*me said...

Great post :) Sometimes the words we speak, can only be truly known deep inside of us :) I write my blog to me......what others get from it is just a bonus.

Keep thinking positive.

spunkysuzi said...

I think it's your blog and the title is what means something to you!
Thanks for the well wishes on my blog.

Anonymous said...

Procrastination is the substance of things you hope to accomplish. It is the evidence of things not yet done.

Lyn said...

I'm glad you wrote this post and the one before it. I wondered about the title myself, the first time I saw it, but after I read a post or two, I knew what you meant.

I am absolutely sure you are going to reach your goals. That makes me feel really good, and want to keep trying harder. Thanks :)