Reporting In and rambling alot

Well, my official weigh in report is UP .2 lbs.

Two Tenths of a pound is pretty much staying the same. It is a little frustrating only because I was down a whole pound from where I am today for two days earlier in the week.

Oh well.

If I was only looking at this week, it would not be too concerning. But my loss for the month of February is a whole 2/10 ths of a pound. Not much for a month of mostly clean eating.

Guess I'll just have to break down and start exercising, eh? LOL

The good news is that a couple weeks ago Hubby and I took my measurements. I have lost a total of 32.25 inches since September. That is not bad at all.

I can tell, too.

I've noticed recently that having a bath is much more pleasant since I do not have to lay my arms on top of my body - they fit beside me! That is alot of bulk that has disappeared! Also, the water almost completely covers my big belly. In my small tub, that is pretty impressive.

Another thing that has nothing to do with the numbers on the scale - the jeans I bought in the fall in a size 18 (fat lady sizing) and were too tight to wear are now loose. I wore them for the first time Christmas day and they fit nicely. I can still wear them, but I could probably go down another size - I just don't want to spend the money just to have to replace them in another 3 months. I'm hoping to be able to wear baggy jeans until I can get into a 14.

As I write that, I can't believe I am saying that I can see myself in a 14! Even a plus size 14. I cannot remember the last time my sizes did not have a 2 for the first digit. (Well, except for the jeans I am wearing right now - which are still a novelty).

I think I know what the problem has been this past month......I've been fighting loneliness.

It has been more than a year since Jim has been away from home for so long - without a fixed date for him to have time off. I'd gotten used to having him around for extended periods of time. Add to that (which has been the biggest factor) I've been living alone this whole time. Normally, I like to be alone - I usually get more done when I don't have to worry about anyone else.

January, Jim was having problems with his truck and I needed to be in the town where he was based in order to take care of it so, I spent lots of time with him in the evenings.

February, because of the fact that we have 5 dogs that cannot be left as long as it would be neccessary for me to drive out, spend the night, then come home in the morning, I did not make the trek more than once or twice. That just is not enough time together - especially when you consider that an evening with my husband is really only about 2 hours long - including supper - because he does not get back to town until 7ish and must be asleep before 10.

But, my daughter and SIL have moved out of the big house they were renting (it was too expensive to heat and too big for Kath to keep up the housework because of the extreme nauseau and dizziness that she experiences with pregnancy). My youngest son was living with them so when they moved, he came back home. It will only be for a month, but by then Jim should be home for at least a couple months. That means that most evenings I am not alone PLUS it means that if the weather cooperates, I can drive out to where Jim is because Danny will be home to look after the dogs. (The weather is NOT cooperating today or tomorrow)

As well, there is the consideration that we do not know if there will be any work for Jim after 'break up' (while the frost comes out of the ground). The Oil/Gas industry took a hard hit last fall when our provincial government imposed higher royalty taxes on the oil companies. The tax has been implemented as of January of this year. There will be precious little work being done this summer because the profit margin has been cut so drastically by the tax. We will be lucky if we get 7 - 10 days a month.....which will be good for the garden since Jim loves to garden and I am a reluctant gardener at best. However, we are expecting to NEED the produce over the summer and into the winter with his income being cut so drastically (maybe altogether).

It is this likelihood of no work after March that has kept him working every day since January 2. He could have taken days off, but he wanted as many payable days as possible before there were no more.

It is also this likelihood that makes me hesitate to spend the money on fuel to go as often as I would like. With Dan home, I could spend 2 - 3 nights a week with Jim, but 4 hours driving is expensive - especially since in the winter, I mostly drive my truck rather than my Jetta. It is pretty costly to drive - even with the recent decrease in fuel prices.

All this rambling is to address the fact that I have been struggling with my emotions this past month. The bombshell that I was hit with last Wednesday sure didn't help. I was just getting a handle on feeling lonesome when I got the news I alluded to in my last post. I am struggling with sadness now.

I know where my answers lay......in relationship with my Heavenly Father. He has the answers for all these problems and He offers me peace in the midst of the storm. I only have to reach out to accept it and live in it.

I am thankful for this HOPE....I know I do not need to despair. GOD is our source, not our job....HE is my companion at all times.....HE has the answers for our newest 'problem'. It is this knowledge that keeps me from giving myself an ulcer, worrying.

As for my weight.....I'll keep 'plugging along'....no discouragement there - too many positives to let the numbers on the scale get me down about that!

Thank you for your prayers and your support after yesterday's post. I wish I could share more succinctly, but......those directly involved have asked for privacy - when the answer comes, I'll share the victory!