Saturday, October 4, 2008

Where my Head is at

I’ve noticed something recently……

I think far less about my weight lately than ever before.

In fact, I hardly ever think about how fat I must look to the person in the grocery line behind me or the person in the car beside me at the red light.

I no longer walk self consciously across the parking lot, and I seldom consider what a fat blob I look like when sitting on a couch (sofa).

What I do think about is food. But even that is different.

I no longer think longingly about nachos and cheese, dark chocolate, cookies, cake, ice cream……..I check labels and if there is a high fat, calorie or sodium count, any desire I had for that item is quickly squashed.

I do think about what I eat, if I’ve eaten, what kind of food I still need to eat, if I eat this or that will I be able to have supper…… I think carefully about food choices. I enjoy the foods that I have learned are healthy choices. I enjoy preparing food for myself, making sure there are good choices to eat when I am in a hurry or just plain lazy.

This new way of thinking has resulted in a slow but steady weight loss, but more importantly, it is setting me free. Free from self-hatred, self-consciousness, worry about what I look like, what people think of how I look, all that garbage.

I am still fat. My BMI still has me in the obese range. If you met me for the first time, you would probably think to yourself something about the fact that I am fat. But it doesn’t matter so much anymore.

I am not talking about not caring. I do care. I care enough to think about what I eat and how much I have moved today (I still need to work on that area, but I am now actually thinking about it). I care enough about myself to want to put healthy food into my body. I care enough about myself to not care what others think. I care enough to take time to look nice for myself.

This new thinking sometimes amazes me. I cannot believe it is even me at times.

Who would have thought that my most successful foray into weight loss would have me thinking less about my weight and more about food?

9 comments:

Loving My Creator said...

Your success is the, if you will, authentic and real reality TV (truly valuable). Truth, not something based on script with hopes of reaping high ratings. From the outsider the real person is not seen if we are not honest and comfortable with who we are. Your level of self-comfort grows each day revealing more of the real you. Without speaking a word, you carry yourself as one who is more and more comfortable and confident.

MeltingLisa said...

I enjoyed reading that Karyn. I look forward to the day when I don't think about my size, like you said, even if that isn't when I am "normal" on the scale, I look forward to the day my mind does a shift. I still have the feeling of "taking up too much space in a room"

That was enjoyable reading :)

->cara said...

Sounds like you've finally moved into the "lifestyle" change that WW is always talking about. It's just a way of life for you now. I'm so happy for you.

Heather said...

I can totally relate! I used to feel so self conscious all the time whenever I would go out. I was always thinking about how I looked, my weight, how I appeared to others, I would be fixing my clothes constantly,etc. It is so nice to be liberated from that, to just go out and feel "normal". Glad that have come to the same realization as well!

\vinj&kath said...

hey mom thats so funny but true, thinking more baout food helps! :)
It's funny I think the same thing about being over weight... people are thinking... how I am sitting and stuff. Why do we torture our selves!

Lyn said...

That was wonderful and encouraging. I am so thrilled with your success, not just with the weight but with the whole thought process. Thanks for sharing that!

MizFit said...

what a cool post and WHAT A TRUE POST.

in all realms for me.

when Im finally CLICKING on a goal--from weight loss to life---I have found, too, that it eats up less of my MIND and more becomes my PATH!

Miz.

Sheri said...

I'm glad you've found your way to peaceful thinking. It is good to know that a level beyond thinking about being fat can be attained. For me if I stop thinking about it I lose focus and backslide. Although I hate those thoughts being in there all the time.

Karyn said...

Thank y'all for the nice comments.
Jim, your encouragement is such a huge part of any success I achieve...
Lisa, don't worry, it will come - if you don't give up....
Kath, everyone who is overweight feels like they are being looked at and judged, and yes, we are torturing ourselves....
Heather, you are an inspiration - a success story....
Lyn, I appreciate you so much! You never give up and are so wise....
Mizfit, what you say here.."it eats up less of my MIND and more becomes my PATH" are the exact words that explain what I was trying to say. You always know just the right words to encourage....
Cara, you are also an inspiration to me! You have accomplished so much....
Sheri....you have to go through a process in order for your mind to change. It will be different for everyone.
I just wanted to leave a note saying thankyou to those of you who leave comments - I am always encouraged so much by them!