I’ve noticed something recently……
I think far less about my weight lately than ever before.
In fact, I hardly ever think about how fat I must look to the person in the grocery line behind me or the person in the car beside me at the red light.
I no longer walk self consciously across the parking lot, and I seldom consider what a fat blob I look like when sitting on a couch (sofa).
What I do think about is food. But even that is different.
I no longer think longingly about nachos and cheese, dark chocolate, cookies, cake, ice cream……..I check labels and if there is a high fat, calorie or sodium count, any desire I had for that item is quickly squashed.
I do think about what I eat, if I’ve eaten, what kind of food I still need to eat, if I eat this or that will I be able to have supper…… I think carefully about food choices. I enjoy the foods that I have learned are healthy choices. I enjoy preparing food for myself, making sure there are good choices to eat when I am in a hurry or just plain lazy.
This new way of thinking has resulted in a slow but steady weight loss, but more importantly, it is setting me free. Free from self-hatred, self-consciousness, worry about what I look like, what people think of how I look, all that garbage.
I am still fat. My BMI still has me in the obese range. If you met me for the first time, you would probably think to yourself something about the fact that I am fat. But it doesn’t matter so much anymore.
I am not talking about not caring. I do care. I care enough to think about what I eat and how much I have moved today (I still need to work on that area, but I am now actually thinking about it). I care enough about myself to want to put healthy food into my body. I care enough about myself to not care what others think. I care enough to take time to look nice for myself.
This new thinking sometimes amazes me. I cannot believe it is even me at times.
Who would have thought that my most successful foray into weight loss would have me thinking less about my weight and more about food?