Thursday, April 9, 2009

Weighing In

Well, my weigh in yesterday was actually good news - in spite of the fact that there was NO loss. Why was this good news? Because I expected a gain.

For the last year or so, I have had no problems with cravings and overwhelming desires to just eat.

Suddenly, beginning this past weekend, I am struggling in these areas.

It began when my man and I drove our youngest son to school in Montana (9 hour drive from our house to the YWAM base where he will be for the next 3 months....before he goes for 2 months to a 'yet to be announced' overseas destination). We stopped in a town about an hour north of the US/Canadian boarder crossing for lunch. I ordered Chicken Taco Salad - a pretty safe order, usually. I ordered extra salsa because normally the amount of salsa served with a taco salad is miniscule - and I love salsa.

I suppose because this was not a chain restaurant, the salad was not quite what is 'normally' wasn't covered in cheese, for one thing. Nor was it in one of those deep fried crunchy 'bowls' that I find annoying and never eat. And the salsa/sour cream was served in containers that were about 1/3 cup - much bigger than usual. One serving of salsa was all I needed to 'dress' my salad. All this was good - very good.

There were, however, about 15 chips on the side of the plate. They didn't look very good, but I decided to eat a couple simply so that I was using some of the 'extra' salsa that I had asked for. (guilt factor at work here - I ordered extra so felt I had to use at least some of it) My big mistake was in dipping the chip into the sour cream.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I can't remember the last time I had real sour cream. It was SO good! I ended up eating all those substandard chips just to get the sour cream. I didn't intend to eat them all, and I was surprised when they were all gone. First time I've done that in a very long time.

I felt hungry again within an hour. What was with that?

By the time we arrived at our destination, I was very hungry - and, we could see that there were people in the dining room so we headed over there to catch supper - which was homemade pizza and salad bar. The pizza slices were very large with a crust about half an inch thick. I took ONE slice and a plate of lettuce, etc, thinking that would fill me up.

No such luck.

I would have gone back for seconds - at least of the salad bar, but we had come in just as they were cleaning up - there was no food left sitting out.....all put away.

I told myself that it didn't matter - I shouldn't be hungry after that huge piece of pizza anyway.

Fast forward to after getting the boy settled in his dorm room and getting ourselves settled in our 'hospitality room'.......we watched Daniel play a game of soccer in the gym for awhile, then headed back to our room. Jim was beginning to succumb to a cold/flu and was feeling pretty rough....he crawled into bed very early.

Let me tell you about the hospitality rooms at the Lakeside YWAM base. First of all, you need to reserve a room in advance (usually) ...... A placard - creatively and beautifully made displays your name on the door of your room. Inside, the dorm room has been decorated thematically - based on one of their 'target' nations. (That is, the nations where their schools go for 'field assignments) In the past, we have stayed in "Ukraine", "Nepal" and "Thailand". This time, we were housed in "Taiwan". Seriously, the decor in each room is very welcoming and beautiful. The fabrics, wall decorations, and ornaments are all authentic. On a table, you will find a package telling you about meal times, a map of the base, general information about this YWAM base, and information about the nearby town (restaurants, churches, shopping, etc). Also, there are two books about YWAM in general - both gifts, if desired.

Each room is equipped with an electric teapot, instant coffee, tea bags, and 2 cups. As well, there will be 2 packages of 2 homemade cookies - one for each guest. And this time, the cups were stuffed full of goodies - granola bars, mini chocolate bars, fruit leather....and a couple other things I don't remember.

There is a 'lounge' about halfway down the hallway - comfy couches, a refrigerator, and two computers with internet.

Except that the only bathrooms are the 'girls' bathroom and the 'boys' bathroom - shared by all guests as well as the students that live on that floor, staying in the hospitality rooms at the base is a very pleasant experience.

So, back to my story.....Jim went straight to bed. I was hungry, still - or at least, I felt hungry. I grabbed one of the packages of cookies and headed to the computer in the lounge. Again, I don't remember the last homemade cookie I had.....they were SO good!

As I killed time on the computer, all I could think about were those other two cookies back in my room. Finally, I gave in.....but not only did I eat those other 2 cookies, I ate all four mini chocolate bars that were in the cups! I just couldn't seem to stop myself. I wasn't interested in the Fibre One bars, though - just the candy bars. Good thing there were only 4.

The next day we traveled back home. (BTW...for photos of this beautiful drive, go to my 365 blog - Days 93 & 94 ) Again, I had the growlies all day. We did not want to take the time to stop for lunch, so we got take out at A & W. I ordered a hamburger and a side salad. Jim had asked for a strawberry shake to go with his meal and while I was waiting for the burgers, I took a sip of his shake. That was a mistake. I couldn't stop myself - in fact, I didn't even want to stop myself.....I ordered one for myself - and enjoyed every bit of it, even while kicking myself for giving in.

Since then, it seems I've been struggling with 'mini binges' every day.

Last night was our granddaughter's birthday party. Jim stayed home (still quite sick) so I went by myself. Supper was not a problem for me - except that I was NOT hungry so I probably should not have had anything to eat (they served chili). The birthday cake was white cake with whipped cream and fresh strawberries. I accepted half a piece - with extra strawberries. Of course, the original size of the pieces was enormous, so half a piece wasn't that much of a sacrifice.

I found myself taking another small piece....then I went to take a piece home for Jim but remembered that A) he is allergic to strawberries.... and B) he has a whole poppyseed cake that I made him at home....SO I cut the piece in half and ate it myself. I was very disappointed in myself.

I'm hoping that by telling you about these bouts of uncontrolled eating I will actually get control again.

Here is the rest of my uncontrolled eating:
  • Plenty of 'fingers' of icing as I was making it - had to taste test, of be sure it wasn't too sweet and chocolatey enough.
  • a piece of the cake I made Jim - with cream (very small piece)
  • another very small piece of the cake - with cream
  • a 'bite' of the cake - 2 times
  • 5 cherry chocolates
  • 'bites' of Kraft Dinner that I made my granddaughters
So.....having the scale say the same as it did last week is encouraging, to say the least.

I'm finally beginning to feel better in the last 2 days - still coughing, but i don't feel like I'd cough a lung up if I exerted myself at all. I'm still a little nervous about bringing on a coughing fit, but I'm willing to give the treadmill a go.....if I start coughing I can always quit.

Hopefully, I can report an end to this silly eating very soon - like today.

1 comment:

MizFIt said...

so many thoughts. First? hows the coughing?
next. have you journaled all this? not the foods but two columns where you jot the foods and then write till you have no more words about PRECISELY what you were feeling in the moment you ate the foods?

I have a few others but dont want to hijack your post...

all tied up for ME with the word "control" and how black and white it is.
no gray area where you can indulge at times and not feel..."bad" about yourself.

(yada yada yada disclaimer :) it's all me in that I do not do well with the word CONTROL. I rebel.)