Friday, April 10, 2009

Control....How much is too much?

Our good friend, Mizfit left a comment on my post yesterday regarding 'control' .......

"all tied up for ME with the word "control" and how black and white it gray area where you can indulge at times and not feel..."bad" about yourself."

In my post I included a list of 'uncontrolled eating' that I have indulged in of late. I assume this is where Miz's antennae went up.

I'm so glad to have a friend here in 'Blogworld' who cares enough to make a comment about a conern that she has about what I've written.

And, she is absolutely right. In fact, I totally agree with her statement as quoted above.

Being so 'in control' that there is no grace (or gray area) can result in beating yourself up, mentally - and then punishing yourself by 'sabotaging' your weight loss efforts. At least, this is true for me.

In fact, I allow myself indulgences fairly of those pieces of poppyseed cake that I listed under "out of control eating" was actually a planned - for indulgence....guess it shouldn't have been in that list.

Miz's comment reminded me of a post I wrote last September.....I include a portion of it here, but if you want to read the whole thing, go to this link to get the post From my archives.

"Because my goal is to learn to live, there is no end to this plan. I don’t want to stop living well because I reach my goal weight. Nor do I only begin to live when I reach my goal – I am learning to live NOW, the weight I am now.

In learning to live, I acknowledge that from time to time, for the rest of my life, I will be faced with: eating out, dinner parties, birthday cakes, celebrations, and a simple desire for something really sweet or fat or carbolicious. It is unreasonable to expect that I can live the rest of my life without having a piece of pie or a plate of pasta.

SO, I am learning to manage these situations by NOT totally depriving myself and by learning to be satisfied with a small serving. When faced with something I “shouldn’t” have, I do not say “You cannot have that”. I ask myself if I really want it. At this point, I calculate how it will affect the rest of my day’s eating plan. If I decide to go ahead with it, I might tell myself to just wait for a bit. Often, I’ve forgotten about it within a few minutes. If not, I allow myself a small portion.

Why can I be satisfied with a small amount? Because I am not just saying NO to myself and depriving myself “until I lose weight”….I am learning to live with the sweets and fast foods and carby comfort foods that I will be faced with for the rest of my life.

I am learning to control them rather than be controlled by them.

Also, it is good to know that now, because I am eating carefully, if I choose to have a sugary/fat filled treat, I don't have to hide it because I don't feel guilty. I am not cheating, I am living. Sweet treats will always be part of life....I need to deal with them wisely and with thought. And when I eat that treat out in the open, I am not tempted to have "just one more".

Now, to clarify…..I do not often say yes. Most of the time, I make a decision NOT to give in to a craving or opportunity. The difference is that I am making a decision based not on deprivation, resulting in feeling sorry for myself, but based on a real choice. Is this worth it, or not? Will my saying yes to this advance my goal of learning to live or not? Once in a while, it really does bring me closer to my goal."

This is what I truly believe and is the way I have been approaching my weight loss journey.

My concern with the indulgences last week was that for the most part, they were not indulgences that I thought about and made a decision to enjoy - either I was eating thoughtlessly (as in the chips in the resaurant) or I was eating voraciously (as in the cookies and candy bars at YWAM). By the time I got to the birthday party, I had indulged in enough sweets that the craving for MORE cake was quite strong. I won't say uncontrollable, because of course I could have controlled it...I could have told myself that I had already had a piece - that was enough. But I didn't.

I wanted more cake.


I didn't think about it and decide to have it, I just followed my cravings.

That is something I have not done much of since Dec 07. It bothered me, because it proved to me that this new lifestyle and way of thinking about food is not quite as solid in me as I had thought.....let my guard down a little, and the 'fat girl thinking' jumps right back in!

But I do appreciate your words of caution, Miz! And your words of advise re: journalling.

The last two days I've done well with eating 'clean' and drinking my water.

The cough has subsided but is still me a real excuse not to exercise.


Dutch said...

I just love your post. I made homemade pizza today and I have been beating myself up for having some. I know I over did it and that pizza is one of my weaknesses. I know that I have only lost 42 lbs so far and I still have a long way to go. Thanks for this post. It really helped me.

bbubblyb said...

I loved this post too. This is so many of us. I think it's all about the mood of the day which is scary in so many ways. I guess it's just about having more good days than bad. You are doing so well to be aware of it all and able to put it into words. I needed to hear it too. Thanks *hugs*

~TMcGee~ said...

I'll just have to ditto Dawn. :-) She said what I wanted to say.

Natalia said...

Love this post and I'm with you all the way!

arlene said...

Wise approach to life. I'm reading some stuff from Martha Beck it is in line with what you've learned. Very interesting. You are doing great!