Tired, but Satisfied

Does anyone remember the post I wrote a few months ago about planting potatoes?

Well, today was the culmination of that day - and the days following when we hilled and watered. Hubby was at work, but 3 of my 5 kids, their spouses and children, came out and harvested with me.

We had planted almost 400 hills of potatoes.....8 rows. In only a few hours, we had 6 1/2 rows dug up and stored in our newly cleaned out root cellar.

This root cellar is a treasure - but we have not used it because it did not have a door on it. My youngest son (20 yrs) has spent the last couple weeks building a structure over the cement stairs so we could use the cellar. It is not quite finished, but it is sufficient for the temperatures we are getting currently. For a pictoral story of the building of the cellar door, go to my photo blog - day one of the construction was Sept 13.

Anyway, thanks to Daniel - who not only built the structure, but cleaned out the old, dried up potatoes and other junk that was down there - we can now store a large amount of root vegetables.

I am tired and sore tonight....I weilded a shovel for one whole row, crawled along on my knees, digging with my hands for awhile, and then bent down and picked up the potatoes to be transferred to the cellar. As well, I provided a hearty meal for my workers at lunch time, cared for babies, and hauled tools around. For sure, I did not do nearly as much work as my sons and daughters, but they probably would not have let me, anyway.

I am tired and a little sore tonight, but OH, it feels good to be tired because of hard work!

It also feels good to have reaped the rewards of our summer's hard work.

Did I mention that my little girls (ages 6, 8 & 9) also worked steadily and hard?

I am so blessed to have such a great family!

Here are the potatoes along one side of the cellar:







Many of the potatoes were very large, as shown here, compared to the toe of my shoe:

Do you know there was not ONE potatoe with 'scabs' on them? I was amazed, since it is quite common to find blemished potatoes.

Here are some of my wonderful family, working hard:

In other news....I am doing quite well this week as far as eating is concerned. As long as I don't completely fall off the wagon, I should show a loss again next Wednesday. There is a birthday party tomorrow - which means someone else cooking for me AND birthday cake....probably my favorite kind, too, since my son and I share this preference.

I ate too much lasagna for lunch today - but I hope the extra activity made up for it. That is my only 'infraction' of the week, however. Wednesday will tell the tale.

Slow and Steady Again

One pound. Yay! I do not mind a one pound a week loss.....in fact, that makes me very glad.

There was a time when I would have felt like a big fat failure if I averaged 'only' one pound a week.

Maybe that is why all those previous weight loss attempts failed miserably.

I'm happy with an average pound a week because over a year that means 52 lbs. Now, compared to 130 lbs (which I needed to lose, I thought) 52 lbs does not sound terrific....it is not even half way there! HOWEVER.....52 pounds is huge! 52 lbs would require a new wardrobe...would give renewed energy, more of a love for myself. It would win compliments, give me more confidence, spur me on to even more good choices. I know, because for the first time in my overweight life, I kept going - even when I was 'only' losing 1 pound a week - I have lost (nearly) that much.

Too bad I stalled out for awhile....I'd be in onederland, for sure by now.

But...I've learned that it is not all about whether or not I gain or lose. It is not all about how many times I eat clean or how many times I 'cheat'. Nor is it about plateaus or steady losses. It is all about learning to think differently.

Do I really care about what I put in my body?

Do I ever think about the long term consequences of living a sedentary life style?

I have learned to think about such things as sodium content, the kind of oil used, what flour is used, are spray-dried powdered eggs or milk used in the product?

I've learned to cook it myself rather than buy processed foods - that way, I can control what is in the food I eat. I've learned to enjoy preparing my food rather than just grabbing something quick - even when I'm the only one who is going to eat what I cook.

I am learning to be a healthier person - and not only on the outside! Because I learned what a difference 52 pounds makes - first hand. I gained confidence in myself by losing a pound a week for a year. Today, even with the small seback I've had, I am different than I was in Dec 2007.

I am not yet where I want to be.....I often make poor choices, I am not even in onederland yet, I am still more self-conscious than I'd like to be, and I do not make activity a part of my everyday life.

Yet.

But I KNOW that a pound a week makes a HUGE difference over time....and with every pound lost, with every mile walked, I have more time to enjoy my life and my family.

So.....I lost a pound this week!

I'm back on track!

Wednesday Report

I had a good day yesterday. I felt 'in the groove' and powerful - at least as far as food is concerned. Up until then, this week was a struggle. I felt like I was tied up by the urge to eat and even though I was making an effort, I was not winning. In fact, during the week, my weight went UP....I think as high as 217 but hovering at 216.4 or so.

Yesterday, however, I woke up telling myself I was a person who was in control and who did not want to eat just for taste. (my biggest problem) I started my day with a fruit smoothie, using all my dairy and fruit exchanges for the day.

I had my perscribed snack at 'snack time' (a meal replacement bar).

I shared lunch with my daughter in law....she made a salad with tuna (and mayo) for us. I had a small portion but was satisfied. (1 veg, 1/2 protien, fat)

I ate my snack bar after I left her house (around supper time) and did not eat again until quite a lot later - when I was hungry. I had a chicken sandwich (2 carb, 1/2 protien, fat) just before I ran out the door to go into town to use my son's internet (mine was being very slow) to load some photos to my facebook albums. While there, I was offered a brownie to which I (without even thinking) said 'no thanks'. How's that for being 'in the groove'?

I was at their house until midnight, drove the 1/2 hour home, then proceeded to add captions to all my photos - keeping me up VERY late but also keeping me busy enough that I was able to ignore my growling stomach for a couple hours.

I gave in, though, at about 2 a.m. and went looking for something to eat. My fridge is a little empty right now - at least, empty of 'the good stuff' and I ended up eating a large cookie from the bakery. Definately NOT a good choice - especially so late at night. But I was hungry enough (not just wanting to eat, really hungry) that I would not have gotten to sleep well without something - and I was tired enough (naturally) that I did not want to prepare anything. So, I blew it there. Actually, I really blew it when I did not go straight to bed when I got home. If I had, I would have been fine.

So.....that brings me to my weekly weigh in........DOWN .6 lbs. Not alot, but considering I had been up most of the week, better than it looks. Actually, yesterday I lost 1.6 pounds. Of course, I am only officially counting the weekly numbers, but I feel good today. Like I am the person who eats properly, thinks about her food intake, and is progressively getting smaller.

Success breeds success.

At least for me.

I am not motivated by being told (by myself or anyone else) that I am gaining weight. I am not motivated by the thought of 'losing' all that I worked for over the last almost 2 years. I am not motivated when I look in the mirror and only see a fat woman.

I am motivated when I feel good about myself. Getting through the day yesterday without mindless 'picking' and 'snacking' made me feel successful. Looking at the number on the scale today made me feel like I CAN make good choices again today - even better choices (I did not eat as many 'exchanges' yesterday as I should have, for example...and, of course, the cookie was a no no..except it made up for the calories I did not eat). I AM a person who eats healthy foods in healthy amounts at reasonable times during the day. I do not want to eat high calorie, high sodium, high fat, loads of sugar foods. I am going to start making note of my successes - which will become more and more numerous.

Soon, folks will be seeing less of me.

The Good News is.....

....I moved my ticker DOWN this morning.

That's right, I LOST 1 pound this week. YIPPEE!

The bad news is......

I don't feel any more focused than last week, really.

BUT....in spite of that fact, I do sense a bit of a change in my mind....kind of like turning the Titanic - it takes a long time for the boat to respond to the rudder. Oops, I should have used the Queen Mary or something - the Titanic did not turn soon enough to avoid disaster. I do not plan to end up like the Titanic, so change that to Queen Mary. :D

I went for all my blood work, etc at the lab yesterday (I went to the Dr. for an annual physical last week) I handed the req form (and the stool samples - yuck) to the lady at the desk then sat down in the waiting room and pulled out my book.

Several chapters later, I thought "I've read alot - I wonder what time it is?" Just then my phone indicated there was a text message from my husband. "When will you be back?" it said. I checked the time - 3:16. I had to think to remember what time it had been when I arrived, (I'm really bad when it comes to time....I have no concept of how much time has passed). I went back to dropping my granddaughters off at their house just before I came to the hospital....my son had been home for lunch. That meant that it was after 1 when I got dropped the girls off and before 2 when I arrived at the lab - probably well before 2. Well, an hour and a half is much too long to be waiting to have some blood taken, so I went up to the desk and asked how much longer it would be. She could not find my req form! Finally, she looked in a different pile and found it burried under all kinds of 'finished' reqs....she had thought I was only dropping off the stool samples - meaning she did not look at all the check marks and writing on the form! She put me in immediately - very embarassed at her lapse. Oh well, I got to read lots of my book....

All that has been said to say that I may be getting a call from my Dr in the next week or so - if anything shows up. If I don't hear from him, everything is good.

Has anyone heard of 'The Gabriel Method' of weight loss? I am about to read the first chapter of the book (available online for free). From the little bit of information available without putting out some money, it sounds kind of weird....new agey. But on the other hand, I'm the first to say that weight loss happens first in the mind - so.....

If you know anything about this book/method, please let me know.

Maybe I need to change my 'plan'....shake things up a bit, so to speak.

Or, maybe I just need to get on the treadmill every day and do a workout video 3 times a week.

Yeah, that is probably the answer, darn it.

Anyway, Hubby is still home.....no work in sight.

Our sewer backed up over the weekend.....there goes $600 down the drain (literally) but we can use our water and toilets again - a rather indispensable utility.

The guy that came out in the vac truck indicated to Jim that he could have a job with him, so ......... maybe my man will be a 'super sucker' (ick). The positive side to that would be that he would be home every night - we'd be 'normal'. Of course, we could not keep my truck and the trailer - couldn't afford the payments...but thank God we have 2 'paid for' decent vehicles. I'd have to learn to shop on a strict budget again - but I've done it for most of my life, so I'm sure I could do it again.

I am glad that I've been putting money away every month for the last year toward buying clothing as I lose weight. I will be able to clothe myself when I get to goal. In the meantime, I can wear baggy clothes or shop at the second hand store.

So, at the end of this long, rambling post......I lost 1 pound last week. I still need to focus better. I need to exercise (story of my life, right?). Our employment future is still up in the air. BUT I lost one pound.

Discouragement

First of all, I want to thank those of you who faithfully check on me and those who even leave a comment or send a message saying I have been missed. Y'all bless me!

Second....yes, my son is home safe and sound. He has been home since the 21 of August. He is just beginning to look for a job and decide where he is going to live - here with us, or in the city with his brother and sister in law.

If you want a look at my day-to-day life outside of weight loss (or gain as the case may be) check out one or both of my other blogs.....the links are on the right side of this blog.

My weigh-in report is not good. This morning my weight was 216.2. Last Wednesday it was 215.8 and the Wednesday before it was 212.2. Three weeks ago I was at 213.8. So, in three weeks I have gained almost 3 pounds.

On May 8 (almost 4 months ago) I hit my lowest (so far) mark of 204.8. Of course, that was just a low point - my average weight then was more like 206. Still, that is TEN pounds less than I am today!

I swore that I would never allow this to happen.

So what has been going on? WHY have I gained?

The obvious answer is that I am eating too much of the wrong foods and not moving enough.

I do not need to flip through my food journal to find that out.

But how did I go from being a person who just did not eat chocolate to being one who 'needs' chocolate on a daily basis?

How did I go from the one who was turned off of a specific food simply because of the calorie or sodium count to one who feels deprived when she says no - when she says no?

Seriously, last fall I felt so in control of myself.....it was so easy to pass on the sweets. It was so easy to stay 'on plan'. This fall, it is totally different.

I know I have recounted different stressors in my life this year, but seriously - life is never without stress of some sort. Honestly, I have not been eating because I am stressed.....I have been 'off plan' because I've been unfocused. I have been unfaithful in writing things down. I have not been careful to drink 8 cups of water every day. I have not been weighing and measuring my food.

OK, maybe I have done SOME stress related eating.

A big change this past month has been that since Jim has been home the whole time, we have been staying up later - and watching a movie, usually. Something about sitting in front of a movie makes us want to eat. I used to 'save' specific food exchanges for evening - but I haven't been focused enough for that lately.

This all makes me think about a post I wrote last year about how I had never thought about food so much as when I was actually losing weight. I can see that I have not been thinking about what to eat, how much to eat nearly enough in the last several months.

I know WHAT to do......I just need to get back to that place where I DO it.

As most of us have discovered, that place has more to do with the mind than anything else.

I am sorry to be rather negative on this post, but I do feel quite angry with myself - and I feel again like I will never get passed this whole weight thing. I feel like I will always be a fat blob who detracts from the family pictures.

My mind tells me this is not so - I've proven that I CAN win at this game.....but my feelings seem to be yelling quite alot louder than my mind just now.

In other news......as I said, Daniel is home and looking for work. Andrew is learing to adjust to being single again. Baby Taliah is gorgeous and doing well. My daughter feels good (except for the normal sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn) for the first time in 9 months. My next granddaughter is about 4 weeks from being born. This is all good.

I've enjoyed having my husband home for the last month but we are beginning to be worried about the immediate future. The price of natural gas is at less than $3.00 per unit. The Oil/Gas company needs it to be at $4.00 in order to just 'break even'. There will be no work on any gas wells until the price goes up.

Sorry folks, but we are praying for a long, very cold winter - especially on the eastern coast of the US/Canada........the price of gas needs to go up - not only for us, personally, but for the whole industry in both Canada and the US. In Alberta, much of our economy is based on the O&G industry (mostly gas). For Jim and I......well, if there is not work in the O&G industry, a career change at this point in his life is not going to be easy for Jim. We will have to get rid of (or lose) a couple 'things' like the trailer, of course.....

This is probably the hardest thing we have going on right now. We are trusting that God will either show us favor with the O&G company so that Jim is one of the very few that continue working OR He will give us wisdom as to a new direction. Either way, it is hard not to worry.

I am going to work on FOCUS, though. I want to report a new attitude AND a loss next Wednesday.

It's Wednesday

Well, it's been a busy 7 days.....not counting Monday, which was a 'do nothing but rest up from the weekend' day.

To get the bad news over with right off the bat.....I gained 1.6 pounds this week. Most of it was gained over the weekend, of course.

We had a very successful 'campout' - and I use that term loosely. We rented a Church Camp near our home.....one which all of my kids (except Lana) associate with many childhood memories, and Jim and I associate with years when our kids were young. The Church I went to camp with as a child rented this camp every year from the time my kids were small....my mom (and sometimes Jim and I as well) took all the grandkids to family camp every year - at this camp. Then, when my kids were old enough to be campers on their own, they also went here with the church that owns the camp. They all had fun looking for their names graffitti-ed on the inside of the cabin walls (and on the bunks, the floors, every permanent fixture in the cabins).

One of the best parts of renting the camp was the Dining Hall......a restaurant style kitchen at our disposal......no need to pack all kinds of cooking gear, no cooking over a two burner Coleman stove, no heating water in order to wash up......and, a place to gather to play games. (Not that I object to all these 'camping chores' - but when you only have a couple days, it is nice to spend your time 'playing' together rather than doing the extra work associated with camping)

The little ones had a playground, the big kids had a basketball court and a sport field, there was a horseshoe pit, a 'rope walk', and Saskatoon berries ripe for the picking all over the grounds.

We brought our 'Aero Bed' and set it up in one of the cabins. Next time, I think we'll sleep on the camper's bunks.....our bed did not hold the air very well, making for little sleep over the two nights we used it. We should have gone home for the night, except Vinj and Kath were using our bed (Taliah is too little to be sleeping in an uninsulated cabin at night) and Jim's folks were using our spare bed (Dad's health is such that he could not be 'camping')....Oh well, that was really the only negative aspect of the weekend - and it only affected Jim and I.

We managed to remember to take a group photo of our immediate family - (of course, our youngest son, Daniel, is missing.....he is still in Thailand with his YWAM team)

Besides 'us', Jim's parents, my mom, and Jim's sister and daughter were out for most of the weekend. My brother and SIL, my niece and her husband and 2 boys, and my 2 other nieces and my other great-nephew came out for part of the day on Sunday.

So.....now to reporting on my weight-loss efforts (or non-efforts, as the case may be).....

I did not drink all my water each day - but then, I did not drink much else, either....only one (or maybe 2) diet soft drinks and no hot chocolate.

I did NOT make use of the golf cart to get from one end of the camp to the other - even though everyone else had fun with it.....I walked (purposefully) when ever I wanted to go anywhere.

I had only 1 pancake on Saturday morning (even though the fresh raspberry sauce Lana made was delicious!) but had 3 sausages....

I had two helpings of spaghetti and meat sauce on Friday night - but that is all that was offered and I hadn't eaten all day......

I had only one hot dog for lunch Saturday.....but there were no other choices......

I did NOT have my hamburgers on buns Saturday night ......but I did have a bowl of dessert ('Sex in a Pan'......try it - you'll find out why it is called that)

I did have two helpings of French Toast with icing sugar on Sunday morning (that is 4 pieces of thick bread) I just couldn't help myself. Ah.....let's be honest.....I didn't WANT to help myself.

I did not have lunch on Sunday because breakfast was later and supper would be earlier than the night before.

I had only one small-ish serving of Lasagne Sunday night and filled up on salad.

On the 'other' list.....I had a frozen ice cream treat - the owners of the camp left us a note saying we could help ourselves to all that was left in the deep freeze - there were big buckets ice cream (none were full, but all had a good bit in them) and a box of treats.....although the kids delved into the ice cream, quite liberally, I did not have any other than the treat.

Since we got home, I've had two more servings of 'Sex in a Pan', but I've been pretty 'on plan' with my meals. Just have to get the evening snacking under control again. Of course, that is directly related to evening activities - a movie usually brings on the uncontrolable munchies. I might have to convince my man that he wants to beat me at Crib instead of watching a movie.

Well, I must go out and finish picking my raspberries for today - not a job I like, BTW, but one that must be done if I want them to keep producing.....and I do like having fresh raspberries in my fridge/freezer.

On a peripherally related note......when we got home from the campout, we found notes from Daniel, excitedly saying that they were going to spend 2 nights on an island resort.

The next afternoon, while reading the news, Jim found there had been 2 very strong earthquakes in the Indian Ocean and there was a Tsunami Warning issued for Thailand....including the resort areas on the islands just off the coast. We spent several hours trying not to worry and be scared since we did not know when Dan and his team were going to the island resort and we did not know where he was right then.

Kathryn got through to the office at the Montana base (she knows the folks there) and was assured the team was in Bangkok. I didn't really believe them, but started to relax a little. Then, the Tsunami Warning was lifted - there would be no Tidal Wave (thank God).

We still have not heard directly from Daniel, but Kath has talked to a friend who works at the YWAM base in Thailand - she said there had been no earthquakes felt there at all - and the base in Montana assures us the team is in Bangkok.

However.....Dan has not gone this long without contacting us via the internet since he got there - certainly not when he was in the city. This makes me think they are, after all, on the island.

They leave Bangkok airport for Montana on the 14th at 12:30 am Bangkok time (so that should be Thursday the 13th at 11:30 pm our time) and arrive in Kalispell at 11:35 pm August 14 (Friday). I will be very relieved when he can text me that he is back in North America.

This has been an underlying worry....not a huge cause for stress, since nothing really has changed since he left for Thailand in June, but - well, if you are a parent, you understand.

We (or at least I - depending on if Jim gets called to work) leave on the 19th to go pick Daniel up and bring him home!

Weighing In Again

Well, it is a day late again - my routine definately gets thrown off when Jim is home for an extended time. Not that I'm complaining!

I gained this week - and lost - for an end result of a gain of .8 lbs.

What can I say?

I'm having a hard time staying away from sweets.....'gourmet' cookies at the grocery store, chocolate bar 'singles', chocolate cake......no binges on any of them, but too many small pieces on a day to day basis.

On a positive note, I've been drinking lots more water again and I've been writing down everything I eat.

I seldom have time to sit and ponder 'why' I eat what I do....mostly, I think, I am just undisciplined - no head games involved, no big emotional reasons, just bad habits that I've allowed to develop again over time.

I am a procrastinator - I find it too easy to tell myself I'll deal with something 'later' or 'tomorrow'. This is true in my health/eating habits as well.

One of my major infractions of this past week was not eating breakfast (and I haven't eaten yet this morning, even though I've been up for 1 1/2 hrs) I still wake up hungry, but I ignore it until lunch time. According to the wisdom of the plan that I followed to lose almost 50 pounds, eating enough is as important as not eating too much - and breakfast is ultra important. I know - that is wisdom that is not limited to the LA Weight Loss Center's plan....it is just wisdom. So, part of my problem has been NOT eating everything on my plan.

So, today is the day I begin to follow my plan religiously again.

Tomorrow our family begins our annual 'family campout' - only this year, we are not exactly camping - we have rented the local church's 'Bible Camp'....just 10 minutes down the road from our house. We will have a fully stocked kitchen, bathrooms, showers, cabins, a lake, canoes, a playground....... I expect this arrangement will work real well. AND it will be less expensive than renting the primitive group campgrounds out in the mountains. Since our newest baby is not quite 3 weeks old, and the night time temperatures will be below 10C, Vinjelu and Kathryn will be spending the nights at our house so they do not need to worry about bundling little Taliah up too much.

sidenote.....Jim and I lost a baby girl when we were camping in 1980 - the cause was officially 'Sudden Infant Death Syndrome' (Crib Death) but in the years since then, much has been learned about what could have caused many SIDS deaths - CO2 poisoning caused by the baby breathing in her own expelled air with not enough oxygen rich air to replace it. (That is why the common practice now is to lay babies on their backs rather than on their tummies, as we were taught to do.) In our case, since we were camping in the mountains where the night time temperatures drop significantly, our baby was bundled up, on her tummy, and her 'crib' was covered with blankets to keep the chill off. Of course, we do not know for certain that this caused the SIDS, but ....... (If you are interested, I have written a little about this experience here....it is in the middle or so of the post)

So, you can see why we are a little overprotective of Taliah in this circumstance.

Anyway, we are beginning a weekend where I have little control over the food offered. Each family is responsible for a meal which they prepare for everyone. I will bring healthy alternatives for myself, just in case the meals offered are way out of line for me. Jim and I are responsible for 2 meals - a supper and a lunch. It is a fun way for everyone to be able to serve each other and to contribute to the weekend. Each family is also assigned to be a helper to another family who is supplying the meal, so everyone is on KP twice over the weekend. (Except me and Jim - we are 'on' three times....but we're the hosts, so...)


But...I might as well begin today to bring more discipline into my eating habits - if I wait until after the weekend there will just be something else to distract me....August is pretty booked up with special events.

Summertime takes away from computer time - which is not a bad thing - I notice many of you have not posted as often as usual lately. I am assuming that y'all are enjoying the outdoors, vacations, and family time! Isn't summer great!?

Well, I am off to have breakfast then to town for groceries so I can begin my meal preps for the weekend.....this will be my first trip into Camrose since the storm last Saturday that took down the stage at the big Country Music event our town hosts every year. Ever heard of 'Big Valley Jamboree'? It is a long weekend FULL of country music's biggest stars. This year's bigeest headliners were Josh Turner, Gary Allen, Billy Currington, and Tim McGraw (those are the only ones I can remember since I don't go to the concerts). Just before Currington finished up his show, someone came on stage and told everyone to get off.....there is an area ON stage where fans who hold VIP tickets can sit. Seconds later, a strong 'sheer wind' collapsed the enormous stage - throwing instruments, sound equipment, and other debris around the concert area. One woman was killed when a speaker fell on her - she didn't even have time to leave her seat. Several others were critically injured and many had injuries that took them to the hospital for immediate care.

We were in our 'other' town - at church - when the storm hit us first...but we were in the basement and were barely aware of it. (see my photo post for our experience).

Our son Andrew was at BVJ - with a VIP pass. We spent some anxious moments until we managed to get through to him (cell towers were jammed) after someone interupted our activities at church to tell us of the tragedy.

It must have been horrific for those who were there.

We, in Western Canada, do not often experience severe weather like this - oh, we have funnel clouds a few times a year - and once in awhile one actually touches down - in a farmer's field....but weather that causes tragedy and takes lives? - very seldom. It is one of the best things about living in Alberta.

Our home was on the southern fringe of the storm - no damage...just a few light weight things blown off the deck....nothing that doesn't happen several times a summer.

And BTW...just for some closure to the subject.....the rest of the concerts (Saturday night and into Sunday night) were cancelled. The first time in 20 years that any concerts at BVJ were cancelled - in spite of some pretty nasty weather (temperature -wise) in past years.

That was kind of a negative way to end this post, sorry.

Wish me luck over the weekend!